Wednesday, December 7, 2011
Friday, February 18, 2011
the essential hour
i find i am continually obsessing over the "how-to's" of home life. it just doesn't come completely naturally to me. i mean, loving it comes naturally...but the execution isn't always easy for me. i was and am, at heart, an absolute disorganized mess. after i got married i found a little seed growing in me that yearned for order. but it still wasn't in me. three kids and a whole entire house+yard later i find that seed has grown into a forest and yet it still is not second nature for me to be organized and tidy. and so i obsess about how to do it, how to execute the day and my duties thoroughly.
and yet sometimes i really envy moms that can just let it go. they appear to not carry around the burden of disorder. their homes are happily messy and it seems lovely to live with such a care free attitude. but for me, feeling behind or feeling the weight of all my to-do's just gets me down. i don't feel "free" in my home or around my kids. i feel trapped and i feel like i am doing a crappy job. i am sure a lot of this is due in part to fault... and i want to change those things in me... the ability to really live in the moment and let things go till another day. but i also find that my kids and i are all in a better space mentally and emotionally if there is order in our home and in our day. i think they need that and i want to give it to them.
but it is hard.
and then kirby came along with this harebrained idea to wake up super early every morning to get a jump start on his day (super early for us= 6ish) i grumbled in my head about this very unpleasant concept and told kirby to go for it. and he did. and that meant mary started getting up early, too...which meant that i had to start getting up early... which meant the day started early and let me tell you- it is magic!
the hour between 7 and 8 is what i am now deeming the essential hour for my home. what used to be spent sluggishly getting out of bed and sitting down with coffee is now spent getting to all that "stuff" that begs us of our time everyday. and i am, for the most part, feeling great.
this morning he girls were fed, dressed and playing with play-dough at 7:30, my once marathon laundry days are now laundry mornings... first load in around 6:45 and, if i am really on top of it, last load folded by lunchtime. we have even gone to morning mass once a week for the past three weeks. this is a huge accomplishment for me, who was used to rolling out of bed around the time mass starts. and do not get me wrong... this is not a bragging sesh this is me being amazed at what an early start on the day can do for my family. it is me starting to conquer, in small ways, a very lazy me.
and best off all... i feel present. my mind feels free(er) of worry about what i need to accomplish, and that essential hour seems to magically stretch out my day. we are spending more time in no-rush mental space and i am spending less time hurried, frustrated or feeling down.
but the challenge is a challenge of wills, which i have yet to master. because my disorganized self is closely tied to my "i want to sleep in" self. and that means no mornings are fun, ever. i never like getting out of bed. but i am learning to love what happens when i get out of bed and start the day.
so, here is my advice for you if you share some of these conflicts of personality and vocation as home-lady:
1. try to experience your essential hour, everyday. and plow through your chores while you can... you may not have the time/energy/willpower to do them later.
2. make some simple goals for yourself (big goals seems to hardly ever work for me... too intimidating, i suppose) i have nighttime and morning goals. at night i just make sure three simple things are done- table cleared and cleaned, sink emptied, floor swept. mornings call for beds made, breakfast dishes done, people dressed. i know getting dressed seems pretty basic, but i am totally that lady that could stay in her jam's all day and let my kids run around in 12 hour saggy diapers.
3. meal plan before your shopping trip and spend less time agonizing over dinner. i try to have 2 meals that can be pushed until the following week if dinner plans change.
have some future goals, too.... things i eventually would love to accomplish are waking early enough to get ready, have coffee and read a bit all by myself (maybe 5-6 is my new essential hour... terrifying) and sticking to a daily assignment of deep cleaning (i have made a bazillion "schedules" for myself and it seems the only thing i stick to are the laundry days. the bathroom usually gets scrubbed when friends are coming over for dinner.) mass more than once a week. less time on the computer or phone during the day. more frequent showers, etc.
also, have been trying to recognize my victories. it is easy for me just see what needs to be done and ignore what has been done.
six months ago i hardly ever got laundry done before dinner time and the sink was never clear of dishes. the other night i was scrubbing a caked on grill pan and i thought to myself, "hey, remember when you would let your pans "soak" for 2 days because you were avoiding scrubbing them? gross!". small victories, my friends. small victories.
you should find your victories, too. it is a sink free of toothpaste globs? is it a bed made? is it a child with her hair brushed (this is not a victory of mine...)? right now i am celebrating those simple victories and making plans for new ones.
i recognize that i might sound a bit crazy about all of this but i don't care. beds made and dishes done, for me, are a big deal. seriously.
and thank you, husband, for your ridiculous wake-up plans... you are changing our home for the much, much better.
here is john, longing seeing kirby off to work... still in his jammies and, probably, a very wet diaper.
and yet sometimes i really envy moms that can just let it go. they appear to not carry around the burden of disorder. their homes are happily messy and it seems lovely to live with such a care free attitude. but for me, feeling behind or feeling the weight of all my to-do's just gets me down. i don't feel "free" in my home or around my kids. i feel trapped and i feel like i am doing a crappy job. i am sure a lot of this is due in part to fault... and i want to change those things in me... the ability to really live in the moment and let things go till another day. but i also find that my kids and i are all in a better space mentally and emotionally if there is order in our home and in our day. i think they need that and i want to give it to them.
but it is hard.
and then kirby came along with this harebrained idea to wake up super early every morning to get a jump start on his day (super early for us= 6ish) i grumbled in my head about this very unpleasant concept and told kirby to go for it. and he did. and that meant mary started getting up early, too...which meant that i had to start getting up early... which meant the day started early and let me tell you- it is magic!
the hour between 7 and 8 is what i am now deeming the essential hour for my home. what used to be spent sluggishly getting out of bed and sitting down with coffee is now spent getting to all that "stuff" that begs us of our time everyday. and i am, for the most part, feeling great.
this morning he girls were fed, dressed and playing with play-dough at 7:30, my once marathon laundry days are now laundry mornings... first load in around 6:45 and, if i am really on top of it, last load folded by lunchtime. we have even gone to morning mass once a week for the past three weeks. this is a huge accomplishment for me, who was used to rolling out of bed around the time mass starts. and do not get me wrong... this is not a bragging sesh this is me being amazed at what an early start on the day can do for my family. it is me starting to conquer, in small ways, a very lazy me.
and best off all... i feel present. my mind feels free(er) of worry about what i need to accomplish, and that essential hour seems to magically stretch out my day. we are spending more time in no-rush mental space and i am spending less time hurried, frustrated or feeling down.
but the challenge is a challenge of wills, which i have yet to master. because my disorganized self is closely tied to my "i want to sleep in" self. and that means no mornings are fun, ever. i never like getting out of bed. but i am learning to love what happens when i get out of bed and start the day.
so, here is my advice for you if you share some of these conflicts of personality and vocation as home-lady:
1. try to experience your essential hour, everyday. and plow through your chores while you can... you may not have the time/energy/willpower to do them later.
2. make some simple goals for yourself (big goals seems to hardly ever work for me... too intimidating, i suppose) i have nighttime and morning goals. at night i just make sure three simple things are done- table cleared and cleaned, sink emptied, floor swept. mornings call for beds made, breakfast dishes done, people dressed. i know getting dressed seems pretty basic, but i am totally that lady that could stay in her jam's all day and let my kids run around in 12 hour saggy diapers.
3. meal plan before your shopping trip and spend less time agonizing over dinner. i try to have 2 meals that can be pushed until the following week if dinner plans change.
have some future goals, too.... things i eventually would love to accomplish are waking early enough to get ready, have coffee and read a bit all by myself (maybe 5-6 is my new essential hour... terrifying) and sticking to a daily assignment of deep cleaning (i have made a bazillion "schedules" for myself and it seems the only thing i stick to are the laundry days. the bathroom usually gets scrubbed when friends are coming over for dinner.) mass more than once a week. less time on the computer or phone during the day. more frequent showers, etc.
also, have been trying to recognize my victories. it is easy for me just see what needs to be done and ignore what has been done.
six months ago i hardly ever got laundry done before dinner time and the sink was never clear of dishes. the other night i was scrubbing a caked on grill pan and i thought to myself, "hey, remember when you would let your pans "soak" for 2 days because you were avoiding scrubbing them? gross!". small victories, my friends. small victories.
you should find your victories, too. it is a sink free of toothpaste globs? is it a bed made? is it a child with her hair brushed (this is not a victory of mine...)? right now i am celebrating those simple victories and making plans for new ones.
i recognize that i might sound a bit crazy about all of this but i don't care. beds made and dishes done, for me, are a big deal. seriously.
and thank you, husband, for your ridiculous wake-up plans... you are changing our home for the much, much better.
here is john, longing seeing kirby off to work... still in his jammies and, probably, a very wet diaper.
Friday, December 3, 2010
advent
we are almost through with week one of advent... and i am thinking alot about how to really spend my days, our days, during this super important time of year.
of course we have all year to grow and change and expand our love and knowledge of who God is and what He is in our lives, but the ebb and flow of the seasons are so necessary. it is so obvious to me that we are beings that crave ritual. we find safety and security in the repetition of the things we know. even nature tells us this... spring, summer, fall, winter, be born, grow, age, die. the christian gets the added bonus of our ritual through the year... and so this is why advent means something. it has a purpose. it's the darkness before the Light- preparation, self-reflection and renewal. making ourselves ready to recieve, in us, the baby Jesus. our hearts a manger. our minds as eager as the shepherd boy.
these last few years as a catholic have been huge for me in my awakening to this ritual. i just crave it. i crave the quite and solace of advent, the getting ready for christmas. real christmas.
so, in the midst of that i have been trying to scrounge together ways to make advent alive in our home, for our family.
here are my suggestions to you (aka what we are doing, which were mostly stolen/inspired by other incredible mom's that i love and adore):
1. make a jesse tree. i have already talked about this... see that here. i gotta say, we have plugged away at this tree for three years now and it is really paying off this year. the girls are so excited to hang the ornament for the day and they sit and listen as we read the story that corresponds. it is becoming such an incredible tradition.
2. have an advent wreath. each sunday a new candle is lit, filling the home with more light as we get closer to christmas. also, for catholic kids and some from other denominations that still practice this tradition, they get the excitement of seeing the new candle lit at mass on sunday and are able to relate to it in a special way.
3. create an atmsophere of reflection and magic in your home. twinkly lights, votives in front of an image of Jesus, a nook to cuddle up and read books about christmas and the birth of Christ... all the things that draw our senses to the season. i want my house to say... "there is something special happening here." as our kids grow up i hope this will inspire them to wonder about what actually is different... and how they should become different, too.
4. make a manger. this is a new one for us this year. we put a small basket in the living room with a jar full of straw-colored yarn nearby. each time the girls do something especially kind or thoughtful, or make a sacrifice of some kind, they can take some yarn and put it in the manger. the idea is that, over time, the manger will fill with "straw" and become a cozy bed for baby Jesus. a simple way to think of how every kind word we speak or beautiful thing we do can make our hearts a home for Him.
5. create a ritual. make a commitment to do something as a family to satisfy our need for ritual, and to foster an atmosphere of thoughtfulness and anticipation. we are saying a decade of the rosary together every night. it has been amazing. kirby makes the girls lead us and they shout "HAIL MARY!!!" at the top of their lungs as we being each prayer. it is hilarious and inspiring to see them ask for things with such faith. tonight hero's rosary intention was that she would get a princess dollhouse for christmas, mary (true story) asked for Jesus to come in her heart. what?!?!
it's amazing to me what happens when we give our kids the opportunity to know God and to meet Him. these hollered "hail mary's" that, i am sure, make heaven alive with joy over our living room scene.
Anyway... create a ritual. whatever it is...do it. if we end up sticking to our rosary every night i know, by christmas, our family will be changed by the commitment we made together and by the ritual we experienced as a family.
i am vicariously joining with all of you, too... as you start your journey towards that Holy Night. let's make a space so that our hearts and minds can get quiet enough to hear the secret magic of a Baby born that changed everything. and He is still doing it. over and over again.
speaking of change... here are my goals for these next few weeks.
1. slow down.
2. do all this stuff i mentioned. excitedly, patiently.
3. stop wasting time on the internet.
4. stay on top of things at home so that we can have a relaxed space in which to experience advent together.
5. look for moments of magic everywhere. and grab them.
happy advent!
"Advent is a time of the presence and the expectation in the eternal. Exactly for this reason, it is... the time of joy, an internalized joy, that no suffering can negate. Joy because God is made child." -Pope Benedict
of course we have all year to grow and change and expand our love and knowledge of who God is and what He is in our lives, but the ebb and flow of the seasons are so necessary. it is so obvious to me that we are beings that crave ritual. we find safety and security in the repetition of the things we know. even nature tells us this... spring, summer, fall, winter, be born, grow, age, die. the christian gets the added bonus of our ritual through the year... and so this is why advent means something. it has a purpose. it's the darkness before the Light- preparation, self-reflection and renewal. making ourselves ready to recieve, in us, the baby Jesus. our hearts a manger. our minds as eager as the shepherd boy.
these last few years as a catholic have been huge for me in my awakening to this ritual. i just crave it. i crave the quite and solace of advent, the getting ready for christmas. real christmas.
so, in the midst of that i have been trying to scrounge together ways to make advent alive in our home, for our family.
here are my suggestions to you (aka what we are doing, which were mostly stolen/inspired by other incredible mom's that i love and adore):
1. make a jesse tree. i have already talked about this... see that here. i gotta say, we have plugged away at this tree for three years now and it is really paying off this year. the girls are so excited to hang the ornament for the day and they sit and listen as we read the story that corresponds. it is becoming such an incredible tradition.
2. have an advent wreath. each sunday a new candle is lit, filling the home with more light as we get closer to christmas. also, for catholic kids and some from other denominations that still practice this tradition, they get the excitement of seeing the new candle lit at mass on sunday and are able to relate to it in a special way.
3. create an atmsophere of reflection and magic in your home. twinkly lights, votives in front of an image of Jesus, a nook to cuddle up and read books about christmas and the birth of Christ... all the things that draw our senses to the season. i want my house to say... "there is something special happening here." as our kids grow up i hope this will inspire them to wonder about what actually is different... and how they should become different, too.
4. make a manger. this is a new one for us this year. we put a small basket in the living room with a jar full of straw-colored yarn nearby. each time the girls do something especially kind or thoughtful, or make a sacrifice of some kind, they can take some yarn and put it in the manger. the idea is that, over time, the manger will fill with "straw" and become a cozy bed for baby Jesus. a simple way to think of how every kind word we speak or beautiful thing we do can make our hearts a home for Him.
5. create a ritual. make a commitment to do something as a family to satisfy our need for ritual, and to foster an atmosphere of thoughtfulness and anticipation. we are saying a decade of the rosary together every night. it has been amazing. kirby makes the girls lead us and they shout "HAIL MARY!!!" at the top of their lungs as we being each prayer. it is hilarious and inspiring to see them ask for things with such faith. tonight hero's rosary intention was that she would get a princess dollhouse for christmas, mary (true story) asked for Jesus to come in her heart. what?!?!
it's amazing to me what happens when we give our kids the opportunity to know God and to meet Him. these hollered "hail mary's" that, i am sure, make heaven alive with joy over our living room scene.
Anyway... create a ritual. whatever it is...do it. if we end up sticking to our rosary every night i know, by christmas, our family will be changed by the commitment we made together and by the ritual we experienced as a family.
i am vicariously joining with all of you, too... as you start your journey towards that Holy Night. let's make a space so that our hearts and minds can get quiet enough to hear the secret magic of a Baby born that changed everything. and He is still doing it. over and over again.
speaking of change... here are my goals for these next few weeks.
1. slow down.
2. do all this stuff i mentioned. excitedly, patiently.
3. stop wasting time on the internet.
4. stay on top of things at home so that we can have a relaxed space in which to experience advent together.
5. look for moments of magic everywhere. and grab them.
happy advent!
"Advent is a time of the presence and the expectation in the eternal. Exactly for this reason, it is... the time of joy, an internalized joy, that no suffering can negate. Joy because God is made child." -Pope Benedict
Monday, November 22, 2010
true story
kirby gets annoyed at me for never capitalizing anything. i bet you do, too.
well, somehow my high school computer class failed to teach me the essential skill of holding down the shift key to capitalize. i always just hit 'caps lock' on and off, on and off, on and off. it is a tiresome task.
a few years ago kirby was watching me type and i heard him say, "are you kidding me right now?"
"what?!"
(apparently you are not supposed to hit 'caps lock' on and off, over and over, in order to capitalize. kirby thought this was pretty hilarious.)
but learning how to type in a whole new way seemed much to arduous for me. kinda like when the dentist told me i had to learn how to swallow differently so that my front teeth wouldn't stick out. i say give me the sticky outtie teeth.
so there it is. true story.
and now, this cute photo.
well, somehow my high school computer class failed to teach me the essential skill of holding down the shift key to capitalize. i always just hit 'caps lock' on and off, on and off, on and off. it is a tiresome task.
a few years ago kirby was watching me type and i heard him say, "are you kidding me right now?"
"what?!"
(apparently you are not supposed to hit 'caps lock' on and off, over and over, in order to capitalize. kirby thought this was pretty hilarious.)
but learning how to type in a whole new way seemed much to arduous for me. kinda like when the dentist told me i had to learn how to swallow differently so that my front teeth wouldn't stick out. i say give me the sticky outtie teeth.
so there it is. true story.
and now, this cute photo.
Friday, November 19, 2010
recent discovery
so i never ever thought about school, really. and sometimes i even felt weird about it because all my lady friends were talking about preschool, this and that. and most of the time i felt like a loser, smiling and um-huming and thinking to myself, "why am i not thinking about this stuff??? i am a terrible mother!"
and then suddenly hero was three, then three and a half and then the wall hit me. kids starting school all around her. but why not her? i knew i had to figure this out.
and then my dear friend, hope, gave me this book. a dreaded book to some maybe, but a treasure trove to me.
the book is titled, "real learning," by elizabeth foss.
and the sub title reads "education in the heart of the home."
GAH! home?!
does that mean what i think it is? am i that lady??
guess what?
i am.
this book reminded me that english class can be reading great books under a tree in the warm spring air. it reminded me that science can be touching anemone's at the ocean and planting in our garden together. i bet i would know how to explain photosynthesis better if i learned it while i sat in the dirt with the sunshine pouring down on me. it reminded me that i am this kinda lady. i am into this crazy stuff.
and beyond that... i really believe the education system is failing our kids. i believe kids need to learn at their own pace. i believe that children should be shown great art, great music and great literature. i want good stuff... great stuff... poured out on them everyday while they learn. these things are the heart of the schooling i want for my ones. and while, for many, that can be found in incredible schools all over the place... it looks like we fikes are going to try to find it here.
and maybe that's why i never got into thinking hard about schooling. maybe because the fire was waiting to be ignited here. through the wise words of a mother-author-teacher who reminded me that i will know what's best for my babes. and i will love them the very best, even when it comes to learning, because i am their momma. and who knows? maybe that will mean a change of plans down the road... i just gotta trust that the answers will keep coming to me. a future fail? maybe. a future success? maybe!
and so, as far as i can see, it looks like "homeschooler" is another tag you can add to the list. and if you think i am crazy for it, well then let's not forget i am also a homebirthing, unvaccinating, artist, catholic.
see? you already thought i was nuts.
meet the teach.
"education is the not the filling of a pail, but the lighting of a fire"- w.b. yeats
and then suddenly hero was three, then three and a half and then the wall hit me. kids starting school all around her. but why not her? i knew i had to figure this out.
and then my dear friend, hope, gave me this book. a dreaded book to some maybe, but a treasure trove to me.
the book is titled, "real learning," by elizabeth foss.
and the sub title reads "education in the heart of the home."
GAH! home?!
does that mean what i think it is? am i that lady??
guess what?
i am.
this book reminded me that english class can be reading great books under a tree in the warm spring air. it reminded me that science can be touching anemone's at the ocean and planting in our garden together. i bet i would know how to explain photosynthesis better if i learned it while i sat in the dirt with the sunshine pouring down on me. it reminded me that i am this kinda lady. i am into this crazy stuff.
and beyond that... i really believe the education system is failing our kids. i believe kids need to learn at their own pace. i believe that children should be shown great art, great music and great literature. i want good stuff... great stuff... poured out on them everyday while they learn. these things are the heart of the schooling i want for my ones. and while, for many, that can be found in incredible schools all over the place... it looks like we fikes are going to try to find it here.
and maybe that's why i never got into thinking hard about schooling. maybe because the fire was waiting to be ignited here. through the wise words of a mother-author-teacher who reminded me that i will know what's best for my babes. and i will love them the very best, even when it comes to learning, because i am their momma. and who knows? maybe that will mean a change of plans down the road... i just gotta trust that the answers will keep coming to me. a future fail? maybe. a future success? maybe!
and so, as far as i can see, it looks like "homeschooler" is another tag you can add to the list. and if you think i am crazy for it, well then let's not forget i am also a homebirthing, unvaccinating, artist, catholic.
see? you already thought i was nuts.
meet the teach.
"education is the not the filling of a pail, but the lighting of a fire"- w.b. yeats
Friday, November 12, 2010
free slave
two weeks back kirby's car broke down and i was forced home for the week as he took our van back and forth to work each day. i was a bit excited at first... like it was some funny experiment to see what we would do for the week, forced home. i mean, really, what would we do?
usually the week consists of flip-flopping between being home, going out, seeing friends, running errands, and (lately) me obsessing about developing some semblance of a routine, and not quite knowing how to find it.
for me, being a stay at home mom can feel a bit muddy at times. sometimes there are plans for the day, places to be and appointments to keep. other days are wide open... i wake up and instantly begin to think of the laundry list of "coulds" for the day- finishing those reading pillows for the girls room, finally cleaning the crusty stove, seeing a friend, weeding a patch of the garden, blowing off everything and spending the day at a museum. and, truthfully, this often times leads to me milling about or starting a job and stopping it to go to another. thinking always about what should be happening that maybe isn't and if the kids would be better off if we had done this thing instead. at 3 o'clock when i am finally brushing my teeth i look at myself and ask for the 3 billionth time, "what are you doing??"
i really believe that being here with them is the very best thing i could possibly be doing with my time... but it is daunting at times to think that all these things are in my hands... house, kids, meals, chickens. from the hours of 8 to 6 they are mine. and often i wonder if i am really doing what i should with all of it. especially when you look out from a mound of laundry at kids with saggy diapers and it's 4 o'clock and who knows what we are going to eat for dinner.
so back to the week where i had no car... we were stuck.
and do you know what happened when we got stuck?
we were happy. the laundry was done, the house was tidy, the meals were made, PEOPLE TOOK NAPS!, we spent time outside, we read together, we even took (get ready for it) a nature walk... collecting interesting things we discovered along they way and an hour while baby slept was spend identifying and sketching out our finds together. i was really doing it. i was on fire!
best of all, i was (mostly) a calm, soft spoken, listening, hearing, creative, thorough and understanding mama. why?
because
i
had
time.
no place to be, no rushing out the door, no frantic "WHERE ARE YOUR SHOES AND WHY IS YOUR DIAPER OFF???"
there were moments. moments where i felt the edge a'comin. but they did not grow strong and they did not take over.
i found freedom. mental, emotional, freedom in the middle of the stuckness that would drive many (even me, i thought) crazy.
and so goes another check on the list of ironies that is motherhood.
the happiest, most delightful week we have had in a long time was forced on us by the absence of a car.
when did cars become such big deals anyway?
homemaker, baby haver, meal maker, laundry doer, chicken feeder, kid kisser, hair brusher, story teller, walk taker, life lover. i am a free woman.
usually the week consists of flip-flopping between being home, going out, seeing friends, running errands, and (lately) me obsessing about developing some semblance of a routine, and not quite knowing how to find it.
for me, being a stay at home mom can feel a bit muddy at times. sometimes there are plans for the day, places to be and appointments to keep. other days are wide open... i wake up and instantly begin to think of the laundry list of "coulds" for the day- finishing those reading pillows for the girls room, finally cleaning the crusty stove, seeing a friend, weeding a patch of the garden, blowing off everything and spending the day at a museum. and, truthfully, this often times leads to me milling about or starting a job and stopping it to go to another. thinking always about what should be happening that maybe isn't and if the kids would be better off if we had done this thing instead. at 3 o'clock when i am finally brushing my teeth i look at myself and ask for the 3 billionth time, "what are you doing??"
i really believe that being here with them is the very best thing i could possibly be doing with my time... but it is daunting at times to think that all these things are in my hands... house, kids, meals, chickens. from the hours of 8 to 6 they are mine. and often i wonder if i am really doing what i should with all of it. especially when you look out from a mound of laundry at kids with saggy diapers and it's 4 o'clock and who knows what we are going to eat for dinner.
so back to the week where i had no car... we were stuck.
and do you know what happened when we got stuck?
we were happy. the laundry was done, the house was tidy, the meals were made, PEOPLE TOOK NAPS!, we spent time outside, we read together, we even took (get ready for it) a nature walk... collecting interesting things we discovered along they way and an hour while baby slept was spend identifying and sketching out our finds together. i was really doing it. i was on fire!
best of all, i was (mostly) a calm, soft spoken, listening, hearing, creative, thorough and understanding mama. why?
because
i
had
time.
no place to be, no rushing out the door, no frantic "WHERE ARE YOUR SHOES AND WHY IS YOUR DIAPER OFF???"
there were moments. moments where i felt the edge a'comin. but they did not grow strong and they did not take over.
i found freedom. mental, emotional, freedom in the middle of the stuckness that would drive many (even me, i thought) crazy.
and so goes another check on the list of ironies that is motherhood.
the happiest, most delightful week we have had in a long time was forced on us by the absence of a car.
when did cars become such big deals anyway?
homemaker, baby haver, meal maker, laundry doer, chicken feeder, kid kisser, hair brusher, story teller, walk taker, life lover. i am a free woman.
Friday, November 5, 2010
gaggles and gobs
i have three children. ages 3, 2 and 7 months. i get a lot of these from stranger's- "your brave!!" "you have your hands full!!" "i could never do that...," "now that you've got your boy, your 'done' right?" even the occasional, "you go, girl." (which makes me feel really awesome.)
i get the impression that people think this is really "hard."
and if i really want to freak them out i tell them that we don't. even. use. contraception....
no wonder.
what i always really want to say is... really? this seems hard? this is actually easy. i mean, crazy, yes. but it's easy. it is easy not to take a pill everyday to tell my body to not get pregnant, or at least to not stay pregnant. it is easy not to fish around for a condom. e v e r y t i m e y o u d o i t. ew.
i think that sounds hard. in fact, it wears me out just thinking about it.
be free, people. you will feel happier.
but beware, you might end up with gaggles and gobs of children like me.
i get the impression that people think this is really "hard."
and if i really want to freak them out i tell them that we don't. even. use. contraception....
no wonder.
what i always really want to say is... really? this seems hard? this is actually easy. i mean, crazy, yes. but it's easy. it is easy not to take a pill everyday to tell my body to not get pregnant, or at least to not stay pregnant. it is easy not to fish around for a condom. e v e r y t i m e y o u d o i t. ew.
i think that sounds hard. in fact, it wears me out just thinking about it.
be free, people. you will feel happier.
but beware, you might end up with gaggles and gobs of children like me.
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